What To Do When You Have Spiritual Wanderlust

 

I recently went through a 90-day ascetical and spiritual renewal program called Exodus 90.

Exodus 90 is a regimen of daily prayer and ascetical discipline, supported by weekly fraternity meetings and daily check-ins with your "anchor" (a brother within your fraternity).

The idea behind the program is that we strip ourselves of various bad habits (essentially, the passions) that enslave us and keep us from being the men, husbands, and fathers that God created us to be. We do this for 90 days because studies have shown it takes 90 days to uproot old habits and create new ones.

So for 90 days you commit yourself to an hour of daily prayer, and various ascetical disciplines. The disciplines the program is most famous for are cold showers (that's right COLD showers) and no alcohol, but there are many others that, in their own way, prove even more difficult.

Personally the biggest struggles for me were no making non-essential purchases (I love buying books...), and no eating between meals (I love having an evening snack).

At first, following the Exodus 90 "rule of life" wasn't too bad. In fact, it felt quite liberating. However, as time went on, the sheer volume of ascetic disciplines began to weigh on me.

The thought of continuing on in all those disciplines and following that specific rule of life for 90 days was completely overwhelming. I couldn’t help be think, “There’s no way I can do this for 90 days." And yet somehow I made it through. 

Now, I want to be clear, I failed to follow the program perfectly. There were plenty of times that I had to confess to the men in my fraternity that I tripped up. But with their support and encouragement I was always able to pick myself up and renew my effort.

So, apart from the fraternity, what did I do to motivate myself when I felt the full weight of 90 days bearing down upon me?

Without really thinking about it, I took a page right out of the teachings of the Desert Fathers and Mothers.

Temptations in the Desert

I can only imagine that men and women who decide to dedicate themselves to the Lord in the monastic life must often feel the weight of their commitment bearing down upon them.

In fact, I know they feel the same way, because the Desert Fathers talk quite openly about it!

The Paradise of the Holy Fathers relates several stories of a solitaries (hermits) who felt like they could handle that way of life no longer. 

In one case, the hermit decided he’d leave his hermitage and move into town. Perhaps he was even thinking of getting married. After resolving to leave his hermitage, in a last-ditch effort to remain faithful to his calling, he told himself that he would wait until winter. 

When winter arrived, he determined to wait until spring. 

When spring arrived he determined to wait until summer… You get the idea.

There’s a similar story of another hermit who, when tempted to abandon his calling, decided to wait until morning. 

Morning arrived, so he determined to wait until evening.

In both cases, these hermits remained true to their calling despite feeling the weight of the lifetime commitment bearing down heavily upon them.

We've All Been There

Who of us living as married persons, priests, or even monks or nuns living in a monastery haven't felt this similar burden?

At first the newness of your vocation fuels your enthusiasm. But overtime that newness and the resulting initial enthusiasm begin to die down. The responsibilities and ascetic side (yes, even marriage has its unique ascetic disciplines) of your vocation begin to weigh heavily.

You start to start to think, "Am I really going to be able to spend the rest of my life like this?"

This phenomenon is so common that psychologists have actually pinpointed times when these struggles tend to peak - 1 year, 3, years, 7 years, 15 years...

In order to overcome this wanderlust - this temptation to abandon your vocation and the ascetic disciplines involved with it (whether by physically leaving or by mentally "checking out") - focus instead on taking the ascetic life in bite-sized chunks. 

Don’t think of all the years you have left in front of you. Focus instead on just getting through this day or this season, and doing the right thing at this moment.

As I mentioned above, the most difficult struggle for me during Exodus 90 was resisting the temptation to order books.

I love books...

I especially love the feeling of buying a new book. 

But during Exodus 90 I committed to the discipline of not making any non-essential purchases. It sounds weird, but that was really hard for me. I would have days where my predominant thought (logismoi) running through my mind was how much I wanted to buy *insert book title here.* 

Rarely was it the same book from one day to the next.

So what did I do?

I committed myself to making it through this day without buying a book. I tried not to think about tomorrow or the next day. I just had to get through this day (sometimes this hour). 

What I found interesting was that, when I allowed myself to focus on how many days I had left rather than the challenge right in front of me, that’s when I tended to fall. But when I was able to keep myself focused on the here-and-now, I was much more likely to overcome the urge to splurge.

I encourage you today, if you've committed yourself to a rule of life - whether a specific ascetical rule, or simply your vocation - and you're feeling overwhelmed by the commitment, instead of gazing with dread into the future, focus instead on crushing that sense of wanderlust right here and now.

And above all remember, you need God's grace to crush this temptation - particularly the grace He offers us in the Sacraments of the Eucharist and Confession. Take advantage of the grace He offers you in these powerful Sacraments, and not only will He help you overcome this temptation, but He'll help you find true joy and fulfillment in the vocation to which He has called you.

Handle the "Bad News" Like a Desert Father (or Mother)

 Controversy and negativity sell. 

A couple of weeks ago I was browsing an article by Catholic apologist David Armstrong. In it he states that, for once, he agrees with the editor of a certain "Catholic news" outlet, with whom he is known to be almost continually at odds.

What do they agree on?

We Catholics have become addicted to the "bad news" going on in the Church and in the world.

As evidence, the editor of this news outlet cited a social media statistic from his own platform: An uplifting article they'd published about Saint Marianne Cope got only 27 shares; but when he published a "snarky" (the publisher's word) post about Cardinal Wuerl's retirement income, the post was immediately shared 500 times.

Negativity's Damaging Effects

Today we’ve become increasingly anxious to read about, hear, or discover the latest scandal in the Church, rather than delve deeper into the great mystery of God’s love and mercy. 

It's become not just acceptable, but encouraged and expected among many Catholic intellectuals and pseudo-intellectuals to decry “ambiguity,” “heresy,” or “heterodoxy” almost any time the Pope or an ill-favored bishop or priest opens his mouth.

But have we stopped to consider the damaging effect this attitude is having on our personal spiritual lives, as well as on our ability to witness to the truth of the Catholic Faith? 

At one point in time, feeling confused, dejected, anxious, and mistrustful of Christ's Church because of the barrage of negativity I was consuming from certain "Catholic news" sources, I had to stop and ask myself: "What good is this doing for my soul to be constantly immersed in the filth that’s going on in the Church?"

I was reminded of, and convicted by, the words of a priest I'd heard speak when I was a child: “If you bathe in a tub of manure, you might come out smelling kinda funny.”

Today that “manure” is covered over with a veneer of Catholicism that purports to be “fighting for the Faith,” “defending the Faith,” “proclaiming the truth.” Well here's the harsh truth of it: Often what gets published is little more than detraction, slander, and gossip. Reading it does your soul no good.

It took some time, but I finally realized (thanks in large part to my insightful wife) that, thanks to my continual immersion the smelly mire of today's controversies, my heart and mind had become confused. I was anxious and had grown angry and mistrustful. I'd become hesitant to submit myself to the rule of humility through obedience to the authorities God has placed over me in the Church.

And I know I'm not alone in this.

A friend of mine, still in the early stages of his the faith-journey, admitted his own confusion. He confessed that he isn’t sure where to turn when it comes to seeking the truth. He wants the truth. He longs for the truth. And yet he’s been so steeped in the “bad news” that the Good News has been obscured for him. 

I have no doubt that’s true of most people out there today.

How the Desert Fathers Dealt with
the "Bad News" of Their Day

In his biography of Saint Antony of Egypt, Saint Athanasius had this to say about Saint Antony's dealings with heretics:

He never took count at all of the other heresies, and even exhorted every man to withdraw himself from them. He used to say, “Neither in the discussion of them nor in their results is there any advantage.” (Paradise of the Holy Fathers, pg. 63)

Read that last line again...

"Neither in the discussion of them nor in their results is there any advantage."

Not only are we wasting our time by reading or listening to the garbage spewed in much of the so-called "Catholic news" world today, but we're even harming ourselves spiritually. 

It really does us no good to “know” about the latest scandal in the Church, or what some heterodox person is saying about some topic or other. Our time would be better spent immersing ourselves in the Scriptures, the Catechism, and the lives and writings of the saints. 

It's amazing the peace and clarity that comes when we cut the noise out of our lives. Three months ago, inspired by what I'd been reading in the Desert Fathers, I cut out all my consumption of the Catholic news media and focused my attention instead on prayer, the Scriptures, and the Desert Fathers. If you're feeling anxious, angry, and/or confused about the state of the Church today, I encourage you to do the same. 

Church teaching is remarkably clear, for those of us who take the time to read and study the Scriptures and the Catechism. It’s there for you to discover. Why waste your time with those who contradict or at least distort the clear teachings of the Church? And why waste your time with those who aren’t proclaiming the truth in love, but are instead sowing the seeds of confusion, anger, and discord? 

Be on your guard.

Here’s where the wisdom of the Desert Fathers really comes into play for us lay people. There’s no reason for us to get entangled in the mess of today’s structural Church. That's Christ's mess to deal with. So let Him deal with it.

You want to know what the actually Church teaches about the hot-button issues of today? 

It’s simple. 

Read the Bible. Read the Catechism. Read the lives of the saints and their writings.

But most importantly, don’t just read for information. Read for formation. Don’t read to satisfy your curiosity. Read in order to convert/transform your life. Read in order to imitate, or rather to emulate.

Sure we may not be able to imitate everything in the lives of the saints, but we can allow their lives to inform how we live ours. We can look to their example and their teaching, and we can then use that to inform how we respond to situations in our own lives and inform how we live out our own calling by God.

If you're feeling overwhelmed and confused by the "bad news" today, then turn your attention instead to the Good News. That's what Christ came to proclaim to us, after all.

How the Devils Use Bad News and Prophecies

How many times they [the devils] inform me beforehand concerning the flood of the Nile... and how many times did I say to them, "And, as for you, what have you?" I used to say to them, "I have no need to learn these things from you." - Saint Athanasius the Great (Paradise of the Holy Fathers, Vol. 1, pg. 41-42)

I find great comfort in these words from Saint Athanasius.

So often lately I've watched people worry about signs and prophecies that we're living in the end times. I can't count the number of times I've heard someone refer to the "illumination of consciences," or referred to the COVID vaccine or some other development as "the mark of the beast," or the third "secret" of Fatima, or prophecies about there begin two popes at once... The list goes on and on.

But what's the purpose of being so caught up in all these prophecies?

Does it really serve the good of my soul or your soul to know these things, or is it just disturbing our spiritual peace?

The truth is... 

end-time prophecies don't matter.

We all know the world is going to end eventually.

Either the actual end of the world comes, or at least my own personal end will come. It does none of us any good to run around like scared little rabbits worrying about when that end will be.

So let's move on with life, live like Christians, pray, fast, do works of charity and mercy.

I have a favorite line in Safro (Morning Prayer) of the Maronite Divine Office: "May our minds be focused on your love."

This was the great concern of Saint Antony the Great and the other Desert Fathers: To keep their minds and hearts so focused and intent on God's love and their hope in him that there was no room for the devils to stir up fear and anxiety and distract them from "the one thing necessary.

Shortly after the above quote, Saint Antony says:

If, however, the evil ones find us in the love of Christ, and meditating continually on the hope of that which is to come, and thinking thoughts concerning the commandments of our Lord, and believing that the kingdom and dominion are His, and that the evil one has neither opportunity nor power to resist the might of the Cross, if, I say, the evil one shall find any believing man in this state of mind when he draws near to him, at that very moment he will remove himself from him to a distance. - Paradise, Vol. 1, pg. 44-45)

It's so simple...

Live in the love of Christ. Meditate on the Commandments and on your hope of salvation in Christ. Surrender yourself totally into God's all-powerful hands. His is the victory. What is there to fear?

Sure there's a lot of bad stuff going on in the world. That's nothing new. And if we new just a little Church history, we'd quickly see that even the bad stuff going on in the Church is nothing new. Jesus Himself told us to expect such things to happen.

Personally, I think the Desert Fathers would warn us that the devil is using end-times and doomsday prophecies to distract us from the love of God and neighbor, and to take our focus off of living in God's love.

It's like when Peter attempted to walk on water. So long as his eyes were fix on Jesus, he was able to walk atop the waves. But as soon as he started worrying over the wind and the waves, those very powers started dragging him down.

Are you allowing the "wind and waves" of doomsday prophecies, scandals, and bad news to distract you from Christ's love and drag you down? Are you giving power over to the world to take your mind off the love of Christ?

I know I sure do from time to time.

But honestly ask yourself: Who has more power? The world? The devils? Or God, the Creator of all; the Omnipotent (All Powerful One)?

Perhaps a good solution to the anxiety caused by all the bad news and doomsday prophecies is to take our eyes off of it, and refocus on our minds on the love of Christ. One thing I've done lately that has proven very helpful is to cease my consumption of even Catholic news media, and severely limit what podcasts I listen to.

If you're feeling anxious about the state of the Church and/or the world, and if you're worried about the end times, try staying away from the news and instead praying through the Good News!

4 Insights on the Demonic from Saint Athanasius

I’ve never understood certain sectors of Christianity and their fascination (dare I say "obsession") with the demonic. They insist that priests need to preach “fire and brimstone,” that we need “more homilies on sin and hell,” and that people need to be reminded of the power of the devil so that they learn to fear him. 

To me that’s always come across as a sick fascination and a morbid insistence. 

Personally, I think that many people are already living some form of their own personal hell. They don't need constant reminders of hell's reality, but simply a poignant reminder that opens their eyes to the hell already manifest in their own lives, and the devious nature of hells minions.

A lot of folks in this particular sector of Christianity in general, and Catholicism in particular, have a very wrong understanding of the nature of the devils and their so-called "power." Sadly I think this wrong understanding is rather widespread. 

So how should we understand the devils and their role in our spiritual warfare?

In his wonderful Life of Saint Anthony, as contained in the Syriac collection Paradise of the Holy Fathers, Saint Athanasius has some remarkable insights on the nature of the devils and their so-called "power" that I think are very relevant for our own times. (cf. pgs. 32-41 of PHF for reference)

In this post I won't quote from the Life of Saint Anthony just yet. But I will be alluding to it. I'll pull out specific quotes and dig into them deeper in future posts.

First: Why the devils hate you?

Saint Athanasius starts this section of his biography of Saint Anthony by explaining why the devils hate man, and why they are always seeking to trip us up. 

The devils, he reminds us, were once angels of light — because God doesn’t create anything evil. These angels rebelled against God’s will, and were thus cast from heaven. 

When cast from heaven, they came to mingle among men in the created world in order to trip us up. Why? The simple answer Saint Athanasius gives is envy.

Look at that again. The devils hate us and seek to trip us up (turn us from God) because they envy us!

The devils are envious of mankind because we are destined for the very heavenly glory that they themselves lost. We are destined for that very place they were cast out of, and they don’t want to see us sitting on the thrones of glory they themselves rejected.

Second: Are the devils powerful?

Saint Athanasius (and later the other Desert Fathers) is insistent that the devils are powerless: They can do nothing on their own. 

If they’re given any power over us to tempt us (or better put, to test us [because love must undergo tests in order to be proven true]), that power is given over to them by God, and is restrained by God so that they're unable to harm us in the depths of our hearts. They're also restrained by the duration of the test — i.e. God doesn't allow them to tempt/test us indefinitely. 

The devils can make a lot of noise and stir up a lot of confusion in order to cause fear in us, but ultimately they can’t harm us unless we allow them to. This is a major point that Saint Athanasius repeats over and over to drive it home: It’s us who give the devils power over us. 

How do we do that? 

Saint Athanasius doesn’t go into that, but look at the way the temptation in the Garden of Eden took place. Adam and Eve listened to (i.e. internalized) the voice of the devil and failed to turn to the Lord and call upon His Name for help.

So, if we want to avoid putting ourselves in the devil's power, we simply need to keep our eyes "focused on God's love" (something we pray weekly in the Maronite Liturgy of the Hours).

Third: How to drive devils away.

The means for driving the devils away are very simple (simplicity [which is being child-like in our relationship with God, not “simplistic” as in ignorant] is a central theme for the Desert Fathers). 

Pray

Turn to God and call upon His Name for help… unlike Adam and Eve who failed to do this. As Christians seeking to grow closer to the Lord, we should be committed to regular daily prayer.

Fast

"Fasting is a weapon for fighters" we pray in Morning Prayer during Lent in the Maronite tradition. 

Prayer and fasting are the keys Saint Athanasius gives us for driving the devils away. In this he's simply repeating Christ's own words that some devil's can only be driven out by prayer and fasting (cf. certain translations of Matthew 17:21).

 Over the centuries the Church has expanded this a bit. In addition to prayer and fasting, the Church teaches that we should also receive the Eucharist frequently, and go to Confession regularly. 

In teaching this, the Church is simply making more explicit the insights already present in the Desert Fathers. For the Desert Fathers, the key purpose of the spiritual life is “repentance” — which they understood to be a turning away from sin and toward God. As Saint Isaac (the Syrian) of Nineveh famously said:

"This life has been given to you for repentance. Do not squander it on vain pursuits."

Sacramental Confession as the primary manifestation of our personal repentance, is one of the main things the Fathers point out as being central to the spiritual life. 

As you read through the stories of the Desert Fathers, it'll quickly become clear that they took participation in the Eucharist (often referred to as the "Offering" or the "Mysteries") and other Church services for granted — alluding to both in their various stories and sayings. 

What's the point? We don’t have to do anything extraordinary to fight off the devils. We simply stay close to the Lord through prayer, fasting, receiving the Eucharist, going to Confession, and striving to grow in “righteousness” or virtue.

Fourth: How the devils try to deceive us.

Saint Athanasius goes over several ways that the devils try to trip us up. 

One is by creating delusions through false prophecies. Saint Athanasius has a remarkable demonstration of why we can’t take these false prophecies as anything wondrous even when they prove true. 

Another way they try to trip us up is by sowing the seeds of discontent with our vocation — stirring up what I call the “if only’s” in our minds: "If only I’d married so-and-so instead." "If only I’d become a monk instead of getting married." "If only I’d gotten married instead of become a priest." The devils often make the claim that we could’ve lived righteousness just as much, or even more, in some other vocation than the one we’ve committed ourselves to. 

A third way they try to trip us up is by stirring despair in us by reminding us of our past sins and trying to get us to focus on those sins instead of on God’s love. This is the subtle pride that whispers to us, “God could never forgive you for xyz.”

But always keep in mind, Saint Athanasius is constantly at pains to remind us that the devil is powerless. 

In closing this post out I'll share something I once heard a priest say. "The devil is a chained dog. He can’t hurt you in any way unless you get close enough for him to harm you. Otherwise, all he can do is bark and make a bunch of noise.

What Should I Read? Part 4

[T]hose who imagine that they have no need of teachers, or will not be convinced by those who teach them things of good, are sick with the need of knowledge, the mother and the producer of pride.

(Paradise of the Holy Fathers, vol. 1, pg. 82)

Who are your teachers?

We all have mentors and experts we turn to for knowledge and insight. Whether we've chosen our mentors and go-to experts consciously and intentionally, or just kind of stumbled into allowing someone to influence our lives, is often another matter. 

Our minds our finite. We can't possibly know everything. But the beauty of being members of the human family is our ability to supplement our own ignorance with the knowledge, expertise, and experience that others have acquired.

For example...

I'm no mechanic. To me an engine is nothing more than a hunk of metal, a ton of bolts, and some bits of rubber that all, somehow, fire into motion when gasoline is poured in and a spark is ignited at just the right spot.

The mechanics of a car baffle me.

However, both my dad and my father-in-law are expert mechanics. They can completely strip down an engine and rebuild it as good as new. They've even altered machines in factories to work more efficiently.

So, when I have mechanical issues with my car, I'm faced with a choice. In my pride I can try to figure it out and fix it myself. But I know the end result will be disastrous. So instead I turn to those who have more knowledge and experience with mechanics and either allow them to fix the car for me, or allow them to take the lead in fixing the car while I provide help for whatever they need.

I can either descend into pride by my lack of willingness to admit my ignorance of mechanics, or I can humbly admit my ignorance and seek the guidance of experts.

This holds just as true for the spiritual life as it does for mechanics, economics, environmental issues, or anything else where we have to put our "faith" in the those who have more knowledge or experience than us.

It is right that the soul which leads its life in God should either learn in faith that which it does not know, or should learn wisely that of which it has knowledge; but if it will do neither of these things it is, if it be possible, sick through madness. 

(PHF 82)

Knowledge comes through faith 

You can only learn something by putting your faith in someone else. Most of us learn science by putting our faith in the scientists. We learn history by putting our faith in historians. We learn math by putting our faith in our mathematicians. 

I learned to change the oil in my car by putting my faith in my dad, a trained mechanic.

If we gain knowledge by turning to the experts in various fields, who are the "experts" we should turn to for knowledge of God or our Faith?

If you're like most people, your first reaction is probably to think that you should turn to academic theologians if you want theological knowledge.

However, there's a problem with this...

Contrary to the prevailing opinion of many, theology isn't a purely academic discipline.

Our God isn't a frog that we can dissect and pick apart. He's not a particle that we can observe. Nor is our Faith merely a list of dogmas that we assent to (as important as those dogmas our).

Our God is a trinity of divine Persons. He is a (comm)unity.

You can't really know a person simply by knowing certain facts about a person. If all I knew about my wife were here date of birth, her blood type, her eye and hair color, and other little details about her, no one would say that I really know her. The only way I can claim to know my wife is by spending time with her, by building a community of persons with her.

The same is true of our knowledge of God.

It's important that we know the facts about God - those dogmas that He has revealed about Himself - but that's just the beginning. If we really want to know Him, then we have to enter into relationship with Him.

So who should we turn to when it comes to this relational knowledge of God? Who are the experts that should be guiding us?

You probably know the answer by now...

The saints!

In my previous post I encouraged you to start reading the lives of the saints. Their lives are always a source of inspiration, motivation, and encouragement. We gain insights for our own journey with Christ by looking to those who have made that journey before us.

But we're also blessed that these men and women have often shared with us their "expertise" by leaving behind writings that can guide us on the way.

Do you want deeper insight on what it means that Christ became man for us? Turn to On the Incarnation by St. Athanasius.

Do you want to know who the Holy Spirit is? Check out St. Basil the Great's On the Holy Spirit.

Need some advice on how to better your marriage according to God's plan? Check out St. John Chrysostom's On Marriage and Family Life, and Pope St. John Paul II's Man and Woman He Created Them: A Theology of the Body.

Not sure what a particular biblical passage means, or perhaps you're not satisfied with the answers being given by modern biblical scholars? The early Church Fathers left us a multitude of biblical commentaries that are the product of both academic study and lives of intense holiness.

The point is, the saints - both their lives and their writings - ought to be our go-to experts when it comes to theological knowledge and wisdom. They are the ones who've "studied" God, not just as an academic exercise, but as a trinity of living Persons who desire relationship with us.

So, if you're increasingly confused by the sometimes contradictory opinions of various modern-day scholars and academic theologians, know that you have a reliable source you can turn to. As Catholics we have the early Church Fathers and the writings of many great saints (East and West) throughout the Church's history. Pick one or two to "mentor" you, and search their writings for the wisdom you seek.

What Should I Read? Part 3

 Lives of the Saints

There are few "best-practices" in the business world that I think can be incorporated into the spiritual life without a great deal of modification or a total change in the underlying motivation. One of those so-called "best-practices" however can. 

If you read books like Think and Grow Rich, How to Win Friends and Influence People, or even more recent books like Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life, you'll quickly discover that promoters of "success" (as the world sees it) identify reading biographies of other successful people as a foundational practice for those who want success in the business world.

And that totally makes sense!

After all, if I'm shooting for a certain goal that I know others have hit before, doesn't it make sense for me to study what they did in order to achieve their goals?

The stories and actions of successful people provide a roadmap for those pursuing similar success in the business world.

If this is true in the business world, it's all the more true in the spiritual life. And frankly, I believe the business world hijacked this practice from the spiritual life. In part, I believe this because the Desert Fathers were counseling one another to read the lives of the saints - those who have been "successful" in the spiritual life - centuries before studies like Think and Grow Rich were ever conceived.

The goal of the Christian life is to become a saint - i.e. someone so passionately in love with God that he orients his thoughts and actions according to that love. Few of us, however, personally know a living saint. And so we need to seek examples to follow.

It only makes sense that we would closely examine and deeply meditate on the lives of the saints because by their lives they show us the roadmap we should follow on our journey to heaven.

1. Conversion

It's important that when we read the lives of the saints, we're not just reading to satisfy our curiosity. Unless you're an academic theologian (which poses it's own spiritual challenges) our reading should be for the sake of conversion. St. Theophan the Recluse warns us:

You have a book? Then read it, reflect on what it says, and apply the words to yourself. To apply the content to oneself is the purpose and fruit of reading. If you read without applying what is read to yourself, nothing good will come of it, and even harm may result. Theories will accumulate in the head, leading you to criticize others instead of improving your own life. (The Art of Prayer: An Orthodox Anthology, pg. 130)

We need to apply to our lives what we discover in our spiritual reading. Otherwise the knowledge that we glean from spiritual reading because the "knowledge" that puffs up, like Saint Paul warns us against.

2. Imitation

We all aspire to become something more than what we are. I aspire to become a professional writer, and so I examine authors I admire and try to incorporate their writing practices into my own. Some of us inspire to get in shape, and so we seek out folks who have that ideal body we aspire to, and imitate their workout routine. Athletes all have other athletes that they look up to. Musicians all have other musicians they copy...

The point is, in every walk of life we need good role models: someone whose already either traveled the path we're walking, or are at least further ahead on it than we are.

The Desert Fathers recognized this need.

When you really dive into their stories, you see how many of them would travel from one desert hermit to another, seeking a word of wisdom or an example which they could take back to their own cell and imitate.

Palladius, in his Lausiac History, writes very extensively of his travels. The stories and sayings in the writings of St. John Cassian are all collections of conversations that he had with various monks throughout the wilderness.

Why did these men (and some women) travel around so much?

St. Athanasius, in his biography of Saint Anthony the Great, tells us:

The... monks came (to Saint Anthony) that they might copy the manner of his life and deeds. (Paradise of the Holy Fathers, vol. 1, pg.29)

And later on, after he's shared the story of Saint Anthony's life, Saint Athanasius warns us:

Let all the brethren then who are monks read these things so that they may know how it is right for them to live their lives. (Paradise of the Holy Fathers, vol. 1, pg. 79)

Of course, most of us aren't monks or nuns, and so when we read the Desert Fathers, we have to read with a certain amount of discretion because not everything they say or do will apply to our lives. But there is much in their writings and stories that does apply to us as well.

3. Encouragement

It's easy to get discouraged when the going gets tough.

I remember while learning to play music how discouraging it would feel when I would hear a beautiful melody that I wanted to play, but I just couldn't get my fingers to cooperate. It always helped to hear other musicians who had similar struggles with the same piece of music.

Even better if I was fortunate enough to know the person whose performance inspired me to learn that particular melody. They would often share how they struggled with that same tune before finally mastering.

The encouragement of my teachers, and knowing that they too had to struggle in order to master their instrument is often what encouraged me to keep going.

It's tricky with the lives of the saints though. There's so many biographies out there that make it seem like the saints were either conceived without sin, or were from a completely different planet. Older biographies attempted to make it seem like certain saints were just "born that way."

But when you take an honest look at their lives, you soon find their struggles weren't really any different from ours.

It can be shocking to read the lives of the Desert Fathers and Mothers. They struggled with temptations to sexual sins (including homosexuality), gluttony, covetousness, even violence. I read a story this morning about how in one monastery the brethren used to get into such heated debates that they would start contemplating murdering one another!

I've read stories of hermits who used to steal from other hermits, spiritual fathers who would physically and verbally abuse their directees, even men or women who left their vocations as monks/nuns in order to go into the world and indulge their sexual lusts.

Reading the lives of the saints will reveal to you how human the saints really are. It's encouraging because you'll see that they struggled with the same stuff we all struggle with. And they didn't always come away from a struggle smelling like roses.

4. Attraction/Inspiration

The last reason given in The Paradise of the Holy Fathers for reading the lives of the saints is "attraction" or "inspiration."

Holiness is attractive. Most of us here can recall the vast crowds of people drawn to Pope Saint John Paul II or Mother Teresa.

What drew those crowds to them?

Ultimately it was that they radiated Christ. That's holiness, and holiness is attractive.

Once more, Saint Athanasius reminds us that in reading the lives of the saints, we're not just fulfilling our curiosity. We read so as to imitate, get some encouragement, and change our lives. But we also read their lives because we need that inspiration, that draw...

...by constant meditation on the... stories [of the saints] your mind may be drawn to perfection... (Paradise of the Holy Fathers, vol. 1, pg. 15)

What saints inspire you? I encourage you to really dive into their lives. Study them. Get to know their struggles, their failures, their repentance, and their successes. Find out what made them saints, then go out and do what they did, but according to your vocation. 

What Should I Read? Part 2

 

1. Scripture

If you read the lives and sayings of the Desert Fathers, you'll find that they were steeped in Scripture. They read the Scriptures and meditated on them continually. Many of them memorized the Scriptures (I can't even remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday!). Most importantly they acted on what they discovered in the Scriptures.

In his spiritual classic, The Life of St. Anthony, St. Athanasius tells the story of how Anthony learned his way of life by reflecting on the example of the Apostles, who abandoned everything to follow Christ, and by applying the words of Christ to his own life:

"If you wish to be perfect, go and sell everything which you have, and give to the poor, and take your cross, and come after me, and there shall be to you treasure in heaven."

For Anthony, that became his call-to-action from Christ. Those words became his mission.

When the Fathers listened to the Scriptures during the liturgical services, or read them in the quiet of their own cells, they listened as though God was speaking directly to them. Again, St. Athanasius says of St. Anthony:

When...he had again entered the church at the time of the reading of the Gospel, he inclined his ear carefully to see what word would come forth for him. (Paradise of the Holy Fathers, vol. 1, pg. 19)

Indeed, after reading through many of the lives and sayings of the Desert Fathers multiple times, I've come to the conclusion that you can't really understand and appreciate them, unless you've first steeped yourself in the Scriptures.

But the Scriptures are often difficult to read, confusing, vague, and in some places downright scandalous (Don't believe me? Read the last few chapters of Judges where a man allows his wife to literally be raped to death, then chops her body up into twelve pieces and sends those pieces throughout Israel).

So how should we - the non-scholarly type who don't read Greek and Hebrew, and can't dedicate our lives to the academic study of the Scriptures - how should we read the Scriptures?

In a talk on the spirituality of St. Therese of Lisieux, Archbishop Fulton Sheen tells a wonderful story. St. Therese had just been appointed sacristan for the convent. She wanted a word from the Lord on how she should approach this new responsibility, so she turned to the Scriptures.

She opened the Scriptures up to Isaiah and began reading...

Now, I don't know if you've ever read Isaiah. It's long. Sixty-six chapters long!

St. Therese read until she was nearly to the end of Isaiah (somewhere in the fifties) before a passage that she knew she could apply to her new responsibilities finally jumped out at her.

Can you imagine the amount of time she must've sat there! And yet she persisted, waiting on the Word of the Lord to speak to her. "She was a true Scripture scholar," Sheen proclaimed at the end of the story. 

You and I don't need a degree to read the Bible and seek to apply it. Sure we may need to consult a good commentary from time to time, but that shouldn't stop us from immersing ourselves in God's word, praying with it, and seeking to apply it to our lives.